14 December 2005

Minor Career Epiphany

As a student, one thinks of oneself as such. I, too, think of myself as a student. Especially when one is mainly looking at printed texts and discussing them for most of one's day, one considers onself as just a student - nothing more and nothing less. At least, however, as a rabbinical student, it's true, those texts are of Jewish tradition. I don't however, usually think of myself as a future rabbi when dealing with such texts. There are times when we have a class here or there that it comes up, or on shabbasos when people ask what I want to do after I graduate, but it's usually just abstract, and I don't actually consider what rabbis do. So, as far as watching what I say and such on my blog as I am a student who, several years away, will become a rabbi, often doesn't cross my mind. I just think I'm only a [lowly] student (and a freshman at that)- that's it. Sunday night, I was mulling over my choice of occupation. Over the last year or so, I have gotten to the point of being critical of texts and so forth, to which there is a certain healthiness, but sometimes it can be a bit much. Also, I like to research and write, so I was thinking, "Hey, why don't I drop this rabbi thing? I won't have to support the rabbinical view or rabbinic exegesis or hermeneutics as opposed to when I am a rabbi. Plus, I will be able to learn a lot of stuff and have more finite hours than I would as a rabbi." However, once I started thinking about teaching (something I would not like to formally do), and not having any special, meaningful, and possibly life-ameliorating interactions with people as I would as a rabbi, I quickly changed course in my thinking. I realized that, yes, I am only a [lowly] student now (yes, just a freshman), but I should try to, at times, be mindful of my future vocation. Plus, I really, really appreciate Rabbi Weiss' warmth and would like to try to emulate it to whichever extent I can (criticalness is not easily given over to being warm, per se). Sometimes I wonder if maybe, also, that I'm a little afraid of becoming really warm and loving as a rabbi, rabbinical student, or even just a person, but for that, time will tell.


Anonymous said...

"special, meaningful, and possibly life-ameliorating interactions with people as I would as a rabbi"

or as a doctor, a dentist, a librarian, police officer, or as a lunch lady ( ooh, Drew in a hairnet, hot!)

Drew, I can see why you chose the rabbit net( uhm, I mean rabbinate) but there are many other ways to be warm, fuzzy and giving, if you are not afraid to be..

In the Lee of the Wind said...

I will secondthe giving thing, but apparently you might also secretlky enjoy the learning. Hey you at least write about what you think whne you learn sometimes...so it must be that sometiems you like it?

Anonymous said...

Brown-eyed girl: While it's true that many professions have people-interactions, Drew's in rabbinical school, so it makes sense for him to think about being a pulpit rabbi vs. other Jewish-related learningish kind of things.... however, it would be funny to imagine him as a lunch lady ;)