Inner Hasid?

This is super random, but I thought I would share it at some point. Why not now? As anybody who knows my approach to Judaism, one would say that mine is rather rationalist, academic, etc. For instance, if it were up to me, I would remove kabbalistic elements from Halakhah. In any event, sometimes, I feel, as if I am closeting my inner hasid, waiting to come out. I wonder when it will fully come out. In the meantime, I will keep to my rationalistic, academic, non-mystical Jewish identity. I wonder if it will occur in middle-age or older.... If so, come back in a 1.5-2.5 decades.... I will remain rational until then.